The King at Twilight
by StreakingHerculobus
Summary: Saber reaches the end of Fate/Zero and in the second before the destruction of the Grail contemplates the ruins of her life.
1. FateZero

**I don't own Fate/Stay Zero or the characters. **

My name is Arturia Uther Pendragon. I used to be a king. Long ago when Britain was still young, before its rise to prominence, I ruled a fickle people with the assistance of a peculiar wizard and a group of valiant, yet very _human_ knights. They had sworn oaths to serve their ascetic liege whose severity could not be overestimated. That same quality—of denying oneself the luxury of emotion—which allowed me to rule effectively, ironically led to my downfall. How could I describe the intensity of the feelings washing over me that day under the oak, having barred them for so long; since with the loss of my kingship came the loss of that cherished mental barrier.

The path of a warrior is a lonely one. The tales are not exaggerated. For every enemy my knights dispatched, I savagely laid ten to rest. While my generals expressed reluctance every time we burned down a village, I didn't flinch. And with Excalibur at my side and Avalon on my back I must've seemed superhuman, _otherworldly_, to those passing by, like I had been forged from a thicker stock, a child of the deceased gods, Zeus or Poseidon. Little did they know that under the armor, under the steely exterior, a young woman clung to the standard of her country with all her (in reality) feeble strength.

Perhaps if people had glimpsed a part of who she really was, they could have understood her position and why she did the things that she did. Maybe the revolt could have been diverted…

Anyways, only Bedivere, my last loyal knight, witnessed the extent of my sentiments and she's the last I would permit. Not even Irisviel von Einzbern will know how deeply affected I was by the betrayals and the shame which arose from the fact I was solely responsible for the civil unrest. You might argue that it wasn't my intent to separate Guinevere and Lancelot or alienate Mordred, but it doesn't excuse my selfishness. Obsessed with the duties of the king, I neglected to pay attention to the wants and needs of my subjects. Just because I did not experience such (what I thought at the time) trifle desires/emotions didn't mean others were not subjected to them. And so my mortal condition at the hands of my sort-of daughter can only be contributed to me.

Fast forward to the twentieth century in the islands called Japan off the coast of Asia when I am subservient to the whims of a single man, who prefers to operate in the background and whose philosophy grates with mine. Yet I cannot claim to not deserve this treatment. This is my punishment and I will bear it for the sake of my kingdom.

Others contend with me for the prize, remarkable men and women too, some heroic and others like me not interested in the cause of justice who nevertheless shook the foundations of the world.

Some warriors have fared well against me, even overpowered me, as Gilgamesh has done, but I was never especially hailed for my physical prowess. Still it's comforting to know that if I was once again joined with the magical sheath Avalon and if the Excalibur I held in my hands was the Excalibur returned to the lake, no one could stand in my way. (My ego needs to be satiated much like that of a man's.)

Blasted command seals. I can not resist his orders much longer. Emiya Kiritsugu was dead set on taking away my only chance to save Britain from the Saxons and on the measly suspicion that the Holy Grail was corrupted! Nonetheless with the activation of the final seal I swung Excalibur down with tears in my eyes, knowing what waits on the other side: the rest of eternity as a Counter Guardian or my imminent death on that battlefield back in 537 A.D. As I faded away I desperately hoped for the former. I imagined Providence would not approve of my life thus far.

**An experiment fic/drabble. Saber in my opinion is a really complicated character. This is my tribute to her. **

_Authority forgets a dying king,_  
_ Laid widow'd of the power in his eye  
That bow'd the will. -Alfred Lord Tennyson, "The Passing of Arthur"_


	2. FateStay Night

**I do not own Fate/Stay Night or the characters.  
**

Sir Lancelot led a small procession into the halls of Camelot. Striding into the throne room, he gestured to the soldiers behind him who hauled a young man between them. "My lord, this boy has been confirmed as a spy for the Saxons. He was attempting to relay a message back to his homeland when a hunting party accosted him on private property. They found in his sack a business letter which contained the location of several key merchants."

Arthur did not lift his eyes from the hilt of Excalibur but gradually nodded. From his low-bearing seat (so as not to portray an air of superiority), he carefully spoke, "Then take care of him."

Lancelot raised his voice, "Sir, I was thinking about first imprisoning him so we can find out what he knows about the enemy. After all, he cannot be more than sixteen years old. Surely we can afford a bit of lenience."

Arthur shook his head and finally graced his top knight with his full attention. "I am being lenient because no matter the intelligence he possesses he isn't receiving a piece of bread which could be better fed to my people. So you choose. Starvation or a quick beheading? Which is the more merciful?"

Properly rebuked Lancelot bowed his head. "As you say, my lord."

**x**

I am not a righteous person. Though I possess several redeeming qualities like a commitment to duty and honor, my acts have often walked the line between good and evil. The kinds of decisions a king has to make especially in wartime are not pleasant; ordinary men and women accustomed to exercising their conscience cannot hope to follow through with what is best for the kingdom. Reason _without a soft regard for humanity_ was necessary to survival in those brutal years which came to be known as the Middle Ages. I did what had to be done, often to the disappointment of my subordinates.

But that was then. I go by Saber now. Arturia no longer exists. When the Throne of Heroes deemed me most proficient with the sword and equipped me with the faculty of a Servant (which included prana, command seals, etc), my past was rent immaterial. The result of its meddling: the loss of a good many memories, a slight shift in personal values, and a constant mental haze which enforced my dependency on a master.

I wish I could say that is all the changes, but such dramatic alterations to the complex individual are not without their more serious consequences. It has been my suspicion and recently my confident conclusion that the Throne's verdict has come to dominate my entire identity. Gone in people's eyes is the former king of England, arguably the greatest, and in his place, an overly grim teenage girl with a knack for kendo (as the Japanese call it). In other words, a weapon to be sic'ed on one's enemies whenever he or she thinks it necessary. The rest of the time I am to hover around, keeping guard, ready to answer the call of my master.

So it was this way for a good many summonings which I endured for the hope of the Grail, so that I may provide Britain with a wiser ruler. While I regularly came close, some bizarre happenstance always occurred at the end which effectively sunk my attempt. I begun to think my status as a Counter Guardian was nothing but a cruel joke by the Sisters of Fate until my bond with a boy named Shirou in a Heaven's Feel which took place ten years after my first experience.

He taught me to accept my life for what it was. To no longer focus on what I did wrong or wish I could change. His determination to save others inspired me to abandon my selfish notion to alter the outcome of my life. When I said 'I love you' fading away and severing the contract, my heart was at peace for the first time since my childhood, since the days of playing with Sir Kay.

And like I told Sir Bedivere, I think I will sleep much longer this time.

**Second installation. ****I hope everything is clear. ****Let me know what you think! **

_Comfort thyself: what comfort is in me?  
I have lived my life, and that which I have done  
May He within himself make pure! -Alfred Lord Tennyson, "The Passing of Arthur"  
_


	3. FateNew

**I do not own Fate/Stay Night or the characters.**

I dreamed of a meadow. The sky was clear and blue. I thought I was alone until a person with really long blonde hair came into view. The woman wore armor like me and she had a confident gait but unlike mine which sometimes bordered on arrogant. She took her time walking over. You could tell she was enjoying the scenery. At length she stopped one or two feet in front of me. Strangely I felt comfortable with the distance. Though she possessed a sword as well, I did not sense any ill will.

"Hello," she beamed. This girl (for she appeared the same age as me) struck me as the care-free type. Her eyes were the only exception. They seemed to alternate between a powerful sense of purpose and a deep compassion. "My name is Jeanne."

I offered a tentative smile. "I've heard of you. You're known as the Maid, correct?" I awkwardly presented my hand for her to shake. Instead she took that as an invitation to grab it and pull me along. I complied and we reached the end of the field where the ground dropped off for the sea.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

I nodded. Then clearing my voice, I said, "Where are we? And why am I here?"

"Well, this isn't the end if that's what you're thinking. In fact, you could think of it as a beginning. Your previous life won't mean much anymore. That is, if you accept."

Lines formed between my brow. "What do you mean? I thought I would pass on. I accepted my fate. There's nothing more to be gained."

Her eyes twinkled. "There's everything to be gained." She faced me and with a serious expression reached out to hold my other hand. "While as King Arthur you paid homage to the King of Kings and lived according to His principles, there was so much more you could do. There is a quality far greater than chivalry and courage. Our Lord expressed it the most, and He wants you to practice it too."

I was intrigued. "What could you possibly be talking about?"

"Grace."

Dumbfounded I asked her, "Are you sure? I never found it very useful in ruling a kingdom. What does it accomplish? Don't mistake me for not trusting you; I want to believe, but I don't understand."

Jeanne teasingly rolled her eyes. "It's not very hard. But you must humble yourself. And you must wish to live the way he wants you to more than anything. Do you see now? I know you are very studied, so it shouldn't come as a surprise. If you want, take this experience as an example. I have been sent here to offer you a choice. Either you can pass on and live happily ever after, or you can accept a new mission, an opportunity to learn what grace is, which the Most High is expressing in giving you this chance to change you're focus, from the things of this world to the things of the next."

I silently pondered my decision. First I had to get my head around the concept. A second chance to live without regrets, to seek to understand people rather than to just order them around? It was too good to be true. Graciously, I accepted.

**x**

Saber woke at last to a tranquil sight: a small garden and a natural stream with decorative rocks strewn about. She inhaled the flowery air, relishing the scent of life. Her face turned to the sun and she basked in its radiance. The light caused her countenance to glow like that of an angel. The warm atmosphere born in her a great joy and the constant breeze lifted her spirits even higher.

Sakura watched with delight as the spell activated and a blonde female warrior beamed down from heaven onto the array. Beside her Shirou fidgeted, unable to conceal his nervousness. He wrestled with his imagination, anxious about the reunion. Did she _really_ feel the same way towards him as he felt towards her? Was her previous admission just a spur of the moment?

To Sakura's and Shirou's disbelief, Saber didn't acknowledge them. She merely stood there lost in her own little world. "Um, excuse me," Sakura began. "But do you know who we are?"

The girl dressed in blue and grey armor snapped her head their direction. "It's a beautiful day, isn't it?"

Sakura's mouth opened and then closed. Overcoming her shock, she stuttered, "I-I suppose so." Why was Saber acting so out of character?

Turning her attention back to their surroundings, Saber explained, "Back then I took beautiful days for granted. At Camelot the weather was always perfect and the grass stayed as green as could be. I'm glad I can once again appreciate the wonder of creation."

Shirou found her optimism refreshing, but it did not sound like the Saber they knew. Was it possible they botched the summoning? (Though she did mention Camelot.) He hesitantly raised his hand. "You are King Arthur, correct?"

The woman frowned in thought. Then tapping her fingers on Avalon she smiled wistfully. "Once upon a time."

**Third installation. **

_"Ah! my Lord Arthur, whither shall I go?  
Where shall I hide my forehead and my eyes?  
For now I see the true old times are dead" -Alfred Lord Tennyson, "The Passing of Arthur"_


End file.
